Expectations

Okay, so we're ready to get our referral.  We're over the wait, we're tired, it's time.  It's not even that we've been waiting so long.  When we started this process, I looked at dozens of timelines and I calculated a variety of scenarios.  I determined that people were rarely waiting over 3 months for baby boys.  We have been waiting 4 months this week.  

Let's be reasonable here.   We're still well within the 3-5 month timeline given to us by our agency.  We have friends who have waited years for referrals from China.  We even have a friend whose adoptive country has closed mid-process- they won't be getting a referral- at all. The bottom line is, I am acting like a spoiled brat.   I have thought a lot about why I am so bummed by the wait and I think it all comes down to one thing- expectations.   You see, I expected to have a referral by now.  I expected to be painting and shopping and carrying photos by now.  I didn't get what I expected.

The thing is, it doesn't make sense that we should be in a hurry.  Our life is already crazy busy and I know that the day we get that phone call, things will instantly become more complicated. That phone call will bring a string of physical, financial, and emotional demands.  But, isn't that just the way life works?  I can think of very few lasting pleasures in life that come without demands.  Marriage, ministry, parenting-  they all bring great joy while at the same time demanding great energy and sacrifice.  

So, the wait goes on.  I know that every day that passes brings us one day closer to our son. One day closer to touching his skin and kissing his cheek and reading him the same precious board books I've read to all my babies.  I can't wait.  But I can and I will.  Each day I'll fight to choose joy through this wait, knowing that not a day of my wait is without purpose.  And reminding myself  that the God who created my son and chose our family is not surprised by one day of this wait.  As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure he expected it!