Leaving the Bubble

It’s hard to believe, but this week, we’re leaving the bubble. When we came 8 weeks ago, we were totally unprepared for the assignment ahead. I’m still not so sure that we are now, but we’ve certainly had lots of opportunities to learn lots of stuff. We’ve attended tons of classes, listened to lots of speakers, met some fascinating people who’ve been investing their lives around the globe, and we’ve been challenged to spend time in prayer and reading God’s word. The people who were responsible for preparing us have done their job strategically and diligently.

All that said, I can honestly say that I’m very excited to go. I am ready to launch. I can’t wait to apply some of the strategies I’ve been taught, meet the new friends I’ve been praying for, see the places I’ve been reading about, and learn how to speak the language of the people God has placed in my heart. I’m eager...and, I’m terrified. Still. Maybe now more than ever.

It’s not the same set of fears that I had when I came here. Well, some of them are. I’m still really afraid of African food. I know, it’s silly. But, it’s real.

I believe that most of my fears are simply the reality that it setting in. In 4 weeks, I’ll climb on a plane and leave my country. The only country I’ve ever known. I leave behind my beloved fall season. I’ll leave behind the familiarity and conveniences that have been my life. I have resolved that I can live in a country where the infrastructure is such that internet, electricity, and phone services are hit or miss. But the reality is, I’ve never tried it. And I don’t want to be a wimp who comes running home with my tail tucked between my legs because I can’t handle it. I fear failure.

I also really fear the loneliness. I have had such a network of people in my world for the last decade. But, the reality is, their lives are continuing in the old pattern and I’m not there anymore. They love me, and I know that they would help me if I needed it, but they aren’t my everyday community anymore. I can handle it, but my kids are struggling a bit with why people aren’t writing, calling, or e-mailing like they’d imagined people would. It’s hard stuff to explain to children.

It’s been okay, because we’ve been surrounded by like-minded people who are going through the same sort of transition, and we’ve been able to find fellowship, accountability, and encouragement with them. But once we leave... we’re going to go through 7 more months of transition that will involve living in 3 different countries. We will have no consistent church body during that time. Our colleagues will be varied at each place. My children will not be in any one place long enough to join a club or a co-op or a school. I know that God knows my needs, and I know what it is to walk intimately with him during difficult seasons. Honestly, it’s the faithfulness that he’s always shown me in the past that’s propelling me to keep moving forward with this crazy plan!

There are other fears, too many to name. I think that if I wasn’t wrestling with the grief and fear that sometimes overwhelms me, I wouldn’t be human. So, I’m trying to face my fears in a way that is productive. I’ve been trying to make it my habit to take those thoughts captive and talk to the Lord about them. We’ve spent lots of time talking as a family and the interesting thing is, the days that one of us is overwhelmed about a certain aspect of this life change, someone else is filled with hope and encouragement. God is continuing to knit us together in a way that only he can.

So, from the bubble we’ll go! Because, that’s what God has called us to do. That’s what He’ll equip us to do. And, that’s the only thing we really want to do at this point.