Coming Down of My High Horse (again!)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

I’m going to share something that I’m not proud of in the hopes that it comes across with the humility I intend to show. Last week, in the last few days we had in the States, I woke up in the middle of the night one night and all I could think about was adoption. It’s not something I give a lot of thought to anymore, but that is what the Lord brought to my mind. In particular, I was thinking about how God has used our story in the lives of others.

You see, when we were in process with Abe, I spent a good bit of time learning about orphans and international adoption, it sort of consumed me. I followed blogs of fellow adoptive parents who were getting all sorts of opportunities to share publicly about their adoption stories. During this time, I became pretty convinced that there were a lot of people in my world who should be opening up their homes to orphans and actively living out the gospel in this way. Actually, I’m still pretty convinced that’s true, BUT the thing is, there was a part of me that thought that I needed to play the part of the Holy Spirit in convincing others that this was God’s plan for their lives.

I’ll confess that I thought my church should be doing more to make people aware of this need. I actually was a little bit resentful that they didn’t ask us to share our story on a public platform, especially since Ryan was the children’s pastor. I didn’t share this with people, not even Ryan, but in my heart, I harbored some bitterness and a bit of a haughty spirit about the whole thing. I just knew that if they would let us share, others would step forward and get involved in caring for those orphans I was reading about.

But they didn’t. And Ryan and I aren’t the type to push those sorts of things. And God revealed to me the darkness and pride in my heart. I sort of resigned myself to the fact that our process must not be intended to inspire others, but rather must just have been a personal journey for our family.

So, I did the only thing I knew to do, I brought my baby home and began the process of transitioning to a family of 7. It was hard, and we had a lot of days where we just put one foot in front of the other. Along the way, I’d answer questions people asked and I’d openly share our story in grocery store lines, hallways, kid’s birthday parties, or wherever else people asked. But I left the convicting and the platforms to God, ‘cause He sorta knows best in these things.

Then, the other night, when I was laying in bed thinking about adoption, God brought to my mind some of those conversations I’ve had over the last few years. I realized lying there, that I could count 6 families that are in my “circle of influence” who are currently in the process of adopting from 6 different countries. When I started counting, I really couldn’t believe it. I realize that their adoption decision has nothing to do with me, but I also realize that I have had the privilege of encouraging them in their journeys. It’s not something I purposed to be a part of, but I believe it’s something God has been gracious enough to allow me to celebrate in.