Time to Come Clean

Do you know who this woman is? She's Lottie Moon, a Southern Baptist missionary who spent nearly 40 years serving the people of China.

I am a transparent person. A very transparent person. If you spend time with me, you never have to wonder what I'm thinking. If I'm thinking it, you're going to know it. That's just who I am. I am not necessarily proud of this trait and it doesn't always serve me well. Sometimes, it gets me in lots of trouble. Often it allows me the opportunity to connect with people. I have found that people need to know that we all blow it and we all make mistakes. I am certainly living proof of that. But, back to my transparency issue. The real reason I haven't been blogging often is because something BIG has been going on in my world and it hasn't been the right time to share with the e-world. It's hard to blog about cakes and costumes when your world is spinning crazily out of the ordinary.

It is time though that I'm allowed to be transparent, so I guess it's time to fling the blog gates open. Here goes. Where shall I start? I suppose I'll start at the beginning. Way back at the Hebron Baptist Church, in Hebron, KY. The place where I fell madly in love with Jesus.

I started attending church regularly with a friend when I was in the 3rd grade. It was a typical Southern Baptist Church and I grew up spending my Wednesday nights participating in GAs and Acteens. These were girls clubs which focused on mission's education and opportunities. Each week I would go and learn about the work that Southern Baptists were doing around the world and I knew, from about the age of 10 that one day, that I wanted to be one of those missionaries. God put it on my heart very soon after I gave my life to Christ in the 4th grade and it has remained there ever since.

A decade later, I headed off to college where I met and fell in love with Ryan. He had not been raised in a Southern Baptist Church and he had very limited missions education, yet he also felt a call to international missions. This was one of the things that we had in common and it contributed to our desire to spend our future together. After a couple of years of serving together at our campus BSU (Baptist Student Union) we got engaged and during our engagement, we attended a conference which was focused on missions. At that conference, God clearly confirmed that call and we were confident the international mission field was our next stop. In fact, we joked that we weren't registering for china, because soon we might be in China.

That was 16 years ago. We've yet to go to China together. In fact, our ministry has looked nothing like we envisioned it. Ten years ago, Ryan took his first job on a church staff, as a place to serve until it was time to go. And while he was at it, he fell in love with children's ministry. We both jumped in and have had the privilege of serving lots of kids and their families over the last decade. We became involved with our own growing family and grew quite comfortable serving in church staff positions. Our dream of overseas mission took a backseat, never disappearing, just quietly hanging in the "somedays" of our hearts.

Then, last summer, Ryan took his second trip to East Asia. He came back different. I knew that the peoples of the world had been on his heart. Two trips to East Asia and one trip to Ethiopia in the course of a year had really ignited the fire that had been simmering in his heart for years. He returned from his trip and asked me to seriously pray about the possibility of going. I basically blew him off. I explained that our children were not the right ages, and our parents could not handle it right now. I reminded him of all that we had managed to acquire and accumulate and how we finally had our dream house and a church that we loved. I explained to him that one of our children would not adjust well and we couldn't do that to her. He patiently listened and then asked me to pray. And I did. Begrudgingly.

A couple of weeks later, I headed off to church one Sunday AM. It was a fairly typical Sunday, except for the fact that my parents were out of town and Ryan was busy in Kidztown. The kids and I ended up sitting alone in the worship center. We had a guest speaker that week, Dr. Danny Akin, the president of Southeastern Seminary. He got up to preach and his sermon happened to be on The Great Commission. From the moment he got up to speak, I began to wrestle with the Lord in my spirit. I was listening to what he said, and it was hitting a nerve in me that I'd almost forgotten was there. I was mentally explaining to the Lord all of the reasons why we could not go. Every one of my excuses just melted away as I listened to the sermon and to the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. In the end, it came down to one of my excuses, our parents. In my heart, I could not process the sorrow that we would bring to them if we chose to move overseas. I explained this to the Lord that morning in the sanctuary. Then, as clearly as could be, I felt the Lord whisper to my heart, "I MADE your parents, you can trust me with your parents, it's time for you to go."

At that point, I did the only thing I could do. I got up, left the sanctuary, and went to find Ryan. With tears streaming down my face I said, "Fill out whatever paperwork you need to fill out, it's time to go."

That week, Ryan made some phone calls and got the ball rolling for us to begin the application process for the company we desired to serve with. Initially, they were very discouraging. They had just come through a major budget crisis themselves, and they were totally re-vamping their hiring process. They weren't exactly sure what the new process was going to look like, but they were able to tell us that Ryan must finish his degree before we could be hired and that we must be appointed before Abby's 13th birthday, if we were going to go. Not only that, but I would be required to lose weight for insurance purposes, and even if we managed to do all of that, there was no guarantee that we would be considered, especially since we had so many mouths to feed. But, they assured us that if we felt a true sense of calling, they would encourage us to give it a try. We looked at other options, but we felt confident that we were supposed to move forward with this agency, even though it was a real long shot for us.

That was 13 months ago. We have just wrestled through the toughest year of our lives, to date. Ryan has completed almost 45 hours of college and masters level courses. We have made it through a series of hurdles and cuts and against some crazy odds, the Lord has allowed us to move forward in the process. I have lost 20 pounds and we have watched every penny we've spent, all in an effort to be in a position to move forward. We have completed hours of paperwork and we've had so many doctor visits and blood tests. Each time we've faced a potential stop sign, the Lord has provided a way to move to the next step in the process. And amazingly, we are nearing the finish line.

It appears that December will bring the official word that we've been given a position with the company. I can hardly believe that this dream, 25 years in the making, may actually come to fruition. When I think about it, I just want to weep.

There are still hurdles ahead. Our house has not yet sold, and that's a requirement. We have not received all of the official medical clearances for the kids, and that could possibly de-rail us still. But we are to the point that we want to share and celebrate this call and this exciting news. The last 13 months have been an amazing journey of faith for us, and even if the Lord were to pull the plug now, we could honestly say the process was worth it. I look forward to blogging in the months ahead about all of the details of moving a family of 7 to the other side of the world. It should be fun!