Rookie Wedding

This past weekend we went to or first Nigerian wedding.  It was the wedding of a young lady whose family has been involved with Baptist missionaries her entire life.   We were honored that we were invited and had the privilege to go and celebrate with them.  It was a great learning experience and helped to broaden my very limited understanding of Nigerian culture a little bit.  I thought I'd share a little bit about our experience and my basic perspective on it.

When we arrived, I was a bit stressed because it was about 10:10. The invitation and the reminder text that we had gotten told us that the wedding would start at 10:00 "sharp."   When we parked I was determined to make a beeline inside so that we would not be any later than necessary.  However, I had forgotten that I was in Africa where everything is about relationship and conversation, not the time on the clock.  Fortunately, Martha stopped us before we could get away from the vehicle and welcomed me back to that reality.  She took time to pin feathers on Baba and I before we entered the church to decorate our clothing.  Then in typical Nigerian fashion, she told Baba to "snap us."  I wish you could see sweet baby Joel on her back.

This is the bridal party entering the church.  Do you see the empty chairs?  What was I thinking? We weren't late!  Heavens no, we saw several of the bride's family arrive after us.   Within an hour all of the seats were filled and then some.

The actual ceremony took a little over 2 hours.  It contained nearly all of the elements you would expect in an American wedding, plus a bunch more.  There were 3 choirs that sang, but not any soloists.  I have yet to see a soloist in Nigeria.  Sometimes people will sing a solo as part of a whole choir piece, but full on solos don't seem to happen here.  I guess it's a communal culture, even when it comes to special music!  There was also a sermon that was at least 40 minutes long.  I think there were 5 different officiating pastors.  The actual signing of the marriage certificate took place during the offering.  Why yes, there was an offering, which I have been told is typical of any wedding here.

The bride was beautiful and for much of the ceremony they both appeared very solemn.  I have to say that seems to often be true of my Nigerian friends.  As I explained to someone, their default facial expression isn't usually a smile.  It took me a while to get used to the hard facial expressions that are the norm here.  What I've found though is that a basic greeting or attempt to engage folks usually brings a ready smile and a kind exchange.

On a funny note, near the end of the ceremony, just before the reception, the pastor was giving some closing announcements.  We were sitting in an area with a few other ex-pats from various organizations.   We happened to know the pastor and so he said something like, "We'd like to great Reverend Ryan and his family and all of the other (pregnant pause), um, whites that came with you today."  I had to try really hard not to laugh.  My "white" is so very much a part of my life here, but I didn't expect the pastor to point it out so effectively.

The wedding colors were maroon and cream and sky blue and yellow.  I don't exactly understand it all, but I figured out enough to know that the groom's family was dressed primarily in the blue and yellow and the bride's family was maroon and cream.  Hence our outfits below...

This was the uniform fabric for the bride's friends.  The colors are included on the invite so that you know what to wear, but you also have the option of purchasing the uniform fabric and having an outfit made.  Since this was our first wedding here, the other girls who live on our compound and I decided to go all out Nigerian.  We had outfits made and even went to the market and got the formal head wraps done.  That alone was an adventure!  Our Nigerian friends LOVED that we made that effort.  We got so many compliments and comments.  It seems to make many of our friends feel like we value them when we make little efforts like this.  

Here are Ryan and I at the reception beside the church.  As you can see, he's got his fancy feather decoration pinned to his chest.

Another thing that I thought was interesting was that in the program, there was a list of all of the photos that would be taken after the ceremony.  It was a long list of thing like, "Bride, Groom, and classmates,"   or in the case of this photo, "Bride, Groom, and Baptist Mission."

Here is part of the bridal party as they were dancing into the reception area.  Man alive, these people like to dance.  I'm convinced that Nigerian women are born with a back muscle that I do not have.  It's amazing how they can move! 

When I was first beginning my Hausa lessons, I spent some time trying to learn some basic introductory questions that I would need to know when meeting folks.  After we'd finished the typical list, I asked my helper if there was anything else that would be culturally appropriate for me to ask.  She thought for a moment and then said, "Oh yes!  You need to ask, "Menene yarinki?"  When I inquired about the meaning of this phrase, she informed me that I would be asking which tribe they were from.  I think this is so interesting because for everyday work and life, I can't tell that there is a distinction and yet it is very important to my Nigerian friends.  If their parents are from a certain place, that is their home, even if they have never lived there.  

I definitely saw that reflected in the wedding planning and conversations.  These folks are Yoruba and they wanted me to know that this wedding would be a Yoruba wedding.  So, I guess maybe when I go to a different tribal wedding I'll understand how traditions vary.  The one thing my fellow ex-pats could tell me about a Yoruba wedding was that it would be long.  And I believe it, we left 4.5 hours in and they were just about to cut the cake.  At that point they were starting to pass out the second round of food and we were too tired to partake.  We are thankful we got the experience!