The Thunder Rolls

Usually I love a good thunderstorm. We had a great one tonight, but I wasn't able to enjoy it like I usually do. Let me explain why.

When we went to our conference in KC a couple of weeks ago, I walked away feeling like I needed to seek out some cross-cultural ministry opportunities. I began to pray that God would show me opportunities to get involved in that way. So, when I called my friend Sarah to chat about church business a few days after my conference, I was once again amazed at God's hand. After catching up on church details, Sarah explained that she had had an experience that she wanted advice about. It turns out that while we were gone, she had become aware of a migrant camp in our county where there were 20+ children living in 3 very worn trailers (as in sub floors with no windows or doors) and a hodge podge of tents. She had met them and felt that maybe she needed to get involved in their lives. She knew she needed help, but she wasn't sure what was next. I immediately knew that Ryan and I needed to be a part of whatever it was. That afternoon, Ryan went out to the farm, met the children, and asked if we could come back on Thursday.

Today, about 9 adults and 9 children from our church drove to the farm and spent about 3 hours with the kids and a few women. We took simple things like parachutes, bubbles, kickballs, and crayons. They were delighted and they played and smiled with us. They graciously accepted the sack lunches we had prepared and they listened as Ryan shared the story of creation. We asked if we could come back again next week and got a resounding yes. It was such a blessing.

My girls went with us and they were shocked at the conditions in which these children are living. Who am I kidding? So was I. Seeing things like that makes you different. It changes your perspective and it convicts you of your wastefulness. We didn't even have to discuss these obvious things with our girls. All day long, they were commenting on what they had seen and experienced. They saw, they knew, they understood.

Tonight when we were eating our warm dinner around our nice clean table in our cool, air-conditioned home, Lily paused and said with a sad face, "I wonder what those kids are eating for dinner tonight?" What do you say to that?

Just a couple of hours later, when the thunder and lightning were dancing across the sky Elizabeth came to find me and with tears in her eyes she said, "Mom what about those poor children who are out in this storm?" What do you do with that?

I suppose that's the time when you emphasize to your children the power of prayer and the value of developing relationships with people so that just maybe you'll have the opportunity to change their lives. Realistically, we know that we probably can't change much about their physical circumstances. But, we can share with them the hope of heaven and shower them with our love and prayers. We can trust that God will use our pitiful efforts to make a difference in a way that will bring him glory.

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:2-3

It was fun while it lasted

Okay, so my blogging roll came to a screeching halt. I'm not even going to try to defend myself. Here are those Kansas City highlights I promised. We went for a conference, that was good- it's always nice to step away from ministry and be ministered to a little bit.

After it was over, we drove up to St. Joseph where a dear friend of ours lives. We had served for 3 summers with this gal at Ridgecrest and we have shared lots of fun times together. It had been 10 years since we'd been together, but it didn't take anytime to reconnect. We got to meet her husband and her very funny little girl. We attended church with them, which was also refreshing. We sat and chatted and ate brownies and laughed and just enjoyed visiting. It was a good way to spend a couple of days. And, let me just say, we fell in love with their little town. Who knew St. Joes would be so very charming?

After we left their house, we drove to Independence and visited the Truman House and Library. That was very neat. The story of how he came to be president and his courtship with his wife delighted me. I so love a good story!

This was an exact replica of how the Oval Office looked when Truman was president. The thing that amazed me most was that there were no less than 6 ashtrays on that desk. Do you remember those days when everyone had ashtrays on their tables?

This man really had a large amount of history making material going on during his presidency. Interesting history lessons for me!

The Truman House

There were so many other things there we wanted to see. There was the National Frontier Trails Museum and the Pony Express Museum in St. Jo. But, we knew the kids would really enjoy those, so they have made our "next time" list. We did spend some time in the Country Club Plaza enjoying the architecture, window shopping, and eating cheesecake.

The plaza area had beautiful fountains, mosaics, and features everywhere.

Our final day we visited Crown Center and enjoyed the Hallmark Visitors Center. We got to see some of the cool parts of the greeting card making process. It was a fun (and free) way to spend the morning.

The one thing that my sweet husband wanted to do was eat some of that world famous KC barbeque. I am NOT a barbeque fan, but I wanted to accommodate him, so we ended our trip at Gate's Bar B. Q., a Kansas City original. I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and so did Ryan. I can't even imagine how many calories they were, but buy those french fries were the best!

A close up of Ryan's "burnt ends on a bun." Notice the puddle of barbeque sauce?

Yummy fries and onion rings!

It was a great time away, but it's always just as nice to come home. Home to children who make me laugh everyday with crazy moments like this one:

Siblings, swim googles, and bedtime delaying tactics always make for a good photo op!

Manna and Quail

One of my favorite Biblical characters is Moses. Aside from Jesus himself, he falls right in there with Joseph and Daniel in my ranking. However, one of my least favorite parts of scripture is the section where the Israelites are traveling in the desert, after seeing one miracle after another, and they begin complaining about their hunger. Those whiney Israelites get on my nerves. Funny thing is, it seems as though every time I study the Exodus passages, God shows me some things about my own whiney nature.

Well for those of you who have been reading my blog lately, you may have seen that I am battling my will in that area these days. I have been praying hard that I would be able to see God's goodness in spite of the pressures that we're struggling through right now. Many times in the last few months, I have asked him to show me that he is intimately acquainted with the details of my life. I have needed that stroking a little more often right now than I sometimes do. He, in his precious way, has met my request- not with manna and quail, but in ways that assure me he knows my heart and my every need.

Just today, on our journey to Kansas City, he has done it again. Money has been tighter than usual at our house with Ryan's school issues and we have been trying to cut back anywhere we can. We have been very convicted that we need to be good stewards with every penny. We didn't realize that checked baggage now costs money (don't ask me how we missed that) and we would have each brought a piece to check without a second thought, costing us $100. That's like 5 pairs of shoes for growing feet! But, fortunately, the Lord orchestrated a conversation between Ryan and one of the gals at church this week which made us realized that we needed to check that out. We did, and thankfully, we were able to cram everything into our carry-on roller bags, saving us those fees.

Then, when Ryan booked our flights a couple of months ago, he picked the first flight out, even though we didn't need to be in Kansas City until 6 PM. I scolded him a little bit because I didn't see how a 4 AM departure from Raleigh was going to help our sleep deprived state in any way. We knew we were going to get a rental car for the weekend, after our conference ends on Saturday, so he suggested we just pick it up today instead and we could go touring for an extra afternoon. Which would have been a great idea, except for the fact that it would be more than double the cost to pick the car up on Thursday as opposed to waiting until Saturday. I didn't say much about it, but in my heart I have pouted about an entire afternoon that we would lose waiting in a hotel lobby for nothing.

So, today dawns and I am finally okay with the fact that we are going to be waiting all day long. We climbed onto our first airplane as the sun was coming up this AM and headed off to Cleveland for wait number one. We got there without any problems and found our connecting gate, only to find that it was late. No problem, we're going to wait somewhere, why not the Cleveland airport, right? But, that's when things began to get fun. Turns out, they overbooked our flight and needed 2 folks with flexible travel plans to give up their seats. We looked at each other, smiled, jumped up, and headed for the desk. We quickly volunteered and in exchange, we now have $600 in travel vouchers and they bought our lunch. We had to eat somewhere while we were waiting, right? Too bad manna and quail weren't on the menu.

Just to put the icing on the quail cake, we came to check into our hotel room and found that the internet in our room would be an extra $10 a day. The wi-fi in the lobby, however, is free. Now, that would be fine, EXCEPT for the fact that my husband is currently a slave to liberty.edu and often is up at all hours of the night submitting his deepest academic thoughts. We discussed what to do and decided that he would work on things in the room, and he could just walk to the lobby for the submission part of it. But, lo and behold, out of 11 floors in this hotel, we get assigned to the 2nd, just above the lobby, where the wi-fi signal is good and strong and deep thoughts can be submitted free of charge.

Can't wait to see what sweet surprise comes next!

Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City

When I was teaching school, I tried hard to avoid taking a day off. It wasn't because I didn't like time off. It was simply that preparing for a substitute was WAY more work than doing it myself. Now that I'm a mom, traveling falls into the same category.

Ryan and I are flying to Kansas City on Thursday AM and while I'm looking forward to it, the effort required to get the heck out of Dodge is a bit exhausting. The house needs to be clean as we have grandparents staying here to care for the children. They will need groceries. And clean clothes. And directions on medicines and schedules. Packing has to happen and everything has to be in place at church for Sunday AM to go smoothly in our absence. Throw in the need to remember the laptop, the GPS, the reservation papers, etc., etc., etc. Well, you get the picture. Not to mention it all needs to fit into a 40 pound 42 inch carry-on because I'm too frugal to pay $50 in baggage fees and well, it's good times here at the Campbell Inn.

So, I'm going to go now and finish all of those details and sometime soon I'll share with you the wonders of Kansas City (and I can promise you, my list won't involve the barbecue.)

Stressed, Who Said Anything About Stress?

40! That's the number of days it rained when Noah was on the boat and it's also the number of days until my husband finishes this horrendous round of school. Then, maybe we will have some sort of life again. One that doesn't involve stacks of education and systematic technology textbooks on our night stands. On that first Sunday night in 30 weeks that he doesn't have a pile of assignments due at 11:59 EST, I think we will eat large amounts of ice cream in bed while rotting our brains out with TV. Now, how about that for kingdom purpose?

We Campbell's love Chick-Fil-A and we love a good deal too, so yesterday we spent our 3rd year celebrating Cow Appreciation Day. Isaac and Lily cut out our spots. Abby and I put together some head gear, and off we headed to eat our 30+$ meal absolutely free. Abby missed out on the fun as she had a Sunday School sleepover to attend. She didn't seem too broken hearted, but we missed her.

The Wake Forest Chick-Fil-A stays busy, but last night, it was iNsAnE. I think the funnest part was definitely watching the expressions on the faces of the people who entered the restaurant and obviously had NO idea that it was Cow Appreciation Day until that moment. Ryan and I got tickled several times at the folks who thought they were just stopping in for a quick bite to eat and instead encountered a restaurant chock full of grown adults covered in cow accessories.

Of course, with all of the money we saved, we decided that we had to go across the street and try out the brand new Krispy Kreme donut shop. The funny thing is, lots of other cows from the herd had decided the same thing, so it was like a cow reunion.

Our Friday night fun ended with a stop at the local playground where Ryan and I decided to try and walk/run off at least a bit of the Krispy Kreme damage while the kiddos played. We vowed we were never eating another one again. We both decided that there are much yummier "bad for you" things we'd rather indulge in next time.

my: of or relating to me or myself especially as possessor, agent, object of an action, or familiar person

The word "my" is such a little word that has been bringing such BIG delight to my heart lately. 18 months ago, tomorrow, we stepped onto a plane and flew across the world to meet the toddler whom God had made our son. We were over the moon and we just knew this was God's perfect plan for our family. And I still believe that today. However, the reality is, there was a period of about nine months there where I wasn't so sure. Before you gasp, allow me to explain.

People, adoption is hard. It truly is one of the hardest things God has ever called me to do. You may remember that news story from a few months ago about the adoptive mom of the little Russian boy who put him back on the plane to Russia with a backpack and a note. The media had a great time feasting on that story and my heart broke for that little boy, but at the same time, my heart was breaking for that mother. Because, while I never felt that desperate, there were some terribly low moments in the beginning, where failure seemed imminent and I was convinced that I would forever be counting the days until his 18th birthday.

There is no way that a person who has never experienced it could ever fully understand, but let me try to explain a little of what we struggled with. Abe is adorable, he has been since the moment we met him. In fact, one of the things I said to Ryan on the ride from the foster center after receiving placement was, "He is so much cuter than the pictures." Anytime we take him out in public, we hear about how cute he is. So, he's had that going for him from the start. But, for a long time, that was painful for me to hear, because while he was cute on the outside, the behaviors and emotions we were dealing with were not cute, they were terribly overwhelming.

Here's the bottom line. When you birth a child, you're not going to be a perfect parent, it is impossible. But, if you are a decent parent, you are going to feed the child when they're hungry, hold them when they cry, and play with them a little each day. They are going to learn that you are a safe place and that there is security when you are around. From an early age, you are going to teach them what the word "no" means and you are going to lovingly discipline them for behaviors that might endanger them or show disrespect for others.

Now, we don't know exactly what happened in Abe's first 15 months of life. We have a few details, which are enough for us to realize that his first months of life did not provide those basic securities that most children experience. I knew this when I climbed on the plane to Ethiopia. What I did not realize was that a little love and good cooking would not be all that was necessary to reverse the effects of that deficiency. I was naive.

In the beginning, every day with Abe was a challenge. People have tried to explain to me why it was so hard and here are some of the things I heard: "You've been out of the toddler stage too long and you've forgotten how hard it is." or "Things are really stressful with all of the changes at church, give it a little time." or "It's because your other children were just easy personalities, Abe is an intense kid." and there were many others. But, I knew that there was more to this than any of those things could explain. Here's the deal...Abe didn't trust us. He couldn't understand that for us, adopted meant forever. He didn't know that we were part of the same team and that we were always going to feed him, always going to hold him, and always going to come home to him... always. How could he? With the background he came from and the tender age he was, he could only understand one thing, survival at any cost.

That's why meal times became dreaded. Making him sit in the high chair for even a moment without food in sight would send him spiraling and we'd all pay for it with kicking and screaming. If anyone forgot and left the pantry door cracked, he would sneak food and begin cramming his mouth full, then our removal of it would trigger the tantrums. Hitting and biting were his normal modes of interaction and going out in public always resulted in tears for both of us. I felt like I was a hostage to a 27 pound toddler. It was horrible. The bottom line was, no amount of food and no amount of discipline seemed to help. Those were some long, dark days. I remember telling Ryan several times during those months that I didn't want to go to bed, because I would have to wake up and face another day and I just didn't think I could do it.

And the guilt. I mean here was this child for whom I had prayed and wept and prepared my home and heart to receive and it was going horribly wrong. Not to mention, my other children wanted to love him, but he was so cold toward most all of their affections. And the energy he took from all of us was overwhelming. All of us could sense it and all of us wondered if we'd done the right thing. Every one of our children expressed disappointment and frustration at some point and we all struggled with anger at times. I remember thinking that I would never be able to recommend adoption to a friend because it was just too hard.

However, the Lord is faithful. And, like so many times in my life, He sustained me. He brought resources and people into my life that spoke truth and sound advice into our world. When I felt like giving up, he would show me some inkling of progress that would spur me on for another day. People prayed faithfully alongside us as we struggled through. And slowly, over time, we began to round the corner. I'm not exactly sure when it happened. I can't put my finger on any one event or week or month. But a day came when I realized that the "days of survival" had ceased and we were living again. And that my friends, is a remarkable revelation.

Truth be told, the difficulty of the early days brings such joy to the ordinary. Every day, I have these moments where I look at Abe in absolute disbelief that this is the same child who lived in my house 12 months ago. This boy, who initiates kisses and asks politely for his "juishe cup" and delights in his siblings is the same little boy that fought me tooth and nail on everything.

All of this brings me back to my initial thought about the word "my." Abe loves that word these days and he uses it most often when referring to us, his family. In a way that none of my other children did, he delights in the meaning of that word. Just tonight, we were at a playground and Lizzy had walked out of sight and he turned and looked at me and said, "Mommy, where my Yizzy go?" He asks me every morning, "Mommy, where my daddy go?" He has begun consistently referring to us as "my..." MY mommy, MY daddy, MY Abby, MY Iyaac, MY Yizzy, MY Dado (that's his name for Lily?) It truly is as if he finally understands that we are his and he is ours and that's the way it's gonna be always. And for that, MY heart is truly thankful.