Two Sides to Every Story

The results of a quality education

Several weeks ago, I posted these thoughts about the benefits of homeschooling. At that time, I had quite a few homeschooling posts running through my mind and I had ambitions of posting them all in a row. Ha, HA, Ha. Now, 6 weeks later, I'll get on with those thoughts.

In all fairness, I thought I ought to be honest about the "not so beneficial" aspects of homeschooling. I am sure that every homeschool mom has different things she loves/struggles with when it comes to homeschooling. For me, it's not as tough as it used to be, at least not today (not sure what tomorrow holds.) There were times, in the early days that I just knew they would all be better off in school. Now, I have seen enough fruit and we've worked through enough bumps that I am much more confident that it will all be okay in the long run. There are still some things that plague me for one reason or another. So, here they are in no particular order:

• Mommy guilt. Oh, how I hate that! I constantly struggle with the nagging worry that I'm failing someone and I think it is sometimes compounded by the fact that I am not only mom, but teacher too. I hate that Lily doesn't get as many picture books as Abby did and that Abby has to help with so many household tasks. Isaac needs more time to read-aloud to me and Lizzy could use more spelling instruction. Not to mention Abe needs to memorize Goodnight Moon like all the others did AND I have one ready to move ahead in writing programs, but I can't currently give it the attention it needs... it's always something. Sometimes, it's really overwhelming. Then, I usually melt down on my poor unsuspecting husband. Who usually tries not to laugh as he reminds me of all the reasons why we're doing this. He reassures me that we have not lost all hope of producing contributing members of society just because their reading fluency came 6 months later than I'd hoped.
• Adult interactions or should I say a lack thereof? I do envy my public school mom friends who occasionally get to enjoy Y workouts, ladies Bible studies, or coffee with a friend. I rarely get those types of experiences. When we first started, I was able to fit those things in a bit. I suppose it was like a step down program, with my "preschool mom" commitments and play groups falling away a little at a time. I'll never forget the day I realized that my weekly morning Bible study was going to have to become a thing of the past. Lizzy was ready to start Kindergarten and it became obvious that with two "school" kids, our daytime schedule was going to have to stick really close to home. That was a true sacrifice for me. While I don't get coffee with the girls, I have been blessed with a wonderful community of ladies that I am able to "do life with." Even though many of our conversations are focused on curriculums and discipline issues, they are a blessing to me.
• Time to myself. Sometimes I would give anything for a few hours to myself to do something that is just for me and not feel like someone wasn't getting what they needed because of it. The thing is, there are people who would be willing to take my kids for a few hours. But, the bottom line is, I am a teacher and just like I would expect my children's teacher to be there at a public school, I feel like I need to be at "school" most of the time too. Part of what makes our day so intense is simply the number of children that I have who are all still heavily dependent on me for their school work. I can already tell with my oldest two that it does get less intense as they become more and more independent in their learning. I know that all too soon, they'll be gone and I'll have more time for myself than I could possibly imagine.
• A tidy house. What would it be like to have a whole afternoon to clean out a closet without someone in the next room tearing something else apart? Or to pick up the living room at 9:00 and have it remain that way until 3:00? That is one of the things I envy. I know, it's ludicrous and there's nothing eternal about shiny baseboards, but it makes me all happy inside.
• Few relationships with unchurched people. This is one of the things that I miss most. I hardly know anyone who doesn't go to church. Even my dentist, our pediatrician, our piano teacher, and my hair dresser are all churched. It's certainly not because we looked for them to be believers, it has just worked out that way. Because my kids don't go to school and they're not interested in sports, we don't know many families that aren't in our church. The fact that Ryan and I both work at the church only compounds this fact. We're praying about how to change this because the bottom line is, it's hard to fulfill the Great Commission when you don't interact with people who don't know Jesus. Most homeschoolers would argue that it's more important that we invest in our own kids first and then we can worry about that later. I would argue that we should be actively doing both, now.
• Friday dates with my husband. So, my husband's day off is Friday. I just know that would be the perfect day for us to go to lunch together each week, if the kids were in school. I know several pastor's wives who do that. I am not one of them. Instead, I teach at a history co-op on Fridays. But, it's a great co-op and my kids love it. So, Ryan and I have decided our Friday dates can wait a while, and we're still happily married.

There they are. My nearly exhaustive list of complaints. They seem sort of piddly compared to my benefits list, but they're real. And sometimes they seem like giants in my world. Other times they seem sort of laughable.