Pruning is Painful

We’re in week four week of our training, which is really hard to believe. The time is absolutely flying by and the information is coming at us so quickly, that sometimes it’s hard to digest it all. I feel challenged in so many areas of my life and I am trying to process how to apply all that I am learning.

Last week, I hit a bit of a low, just feeling discouraged about all that was expected of me and whether or not I am the right person for the task that’s been entrusted to me. Processing it all, I just began to feel that maybe my gifts and skills don’t necessarily line up to the expectations of my organization. I am so out of my element here and many of the skills that I’ve spent the last decade strengthening are useless to me here. My abilities to organize, administer, and run a household and ministry are not really beneficial during this season. Someone else is educating my children, cooking my meals, determining my schedule, and even telling me what to read.

As I’ve listened to speakers, strategies, and expectations, I have just felt incredibly inept and weak. I have not doubted my call, but I have certainly doubted whether or not I’m going to be able to be effective in my call. So, mid-week last week, I was really wondering if I should just pack up my toys and head home. I went to bed one night really discouraged and defeated.

But, just like so many times in this process, God met me at my point of need. The tone of my sessions the next two days allowed me to shift my thinking away from all of the ways that I was ill-equipped to instead look at all of the ways that I can depend on God.

One of the sessions that really resonated with me was focused on John, chapter 15, where Jesus talks about the vine and the branches. I have often heard sermons and read things on the importance of abiding with God, based on this passage. Always, it resonates with me in some way. Last week, the thing that stood out with me is the pruning aspect of the passage. I realized that this time that I’m in is a time of pruning. The vinedresser is stripping away some of the branches that bear “some” fruit so that He can strengthen them, refocus them, and allow them to bear “much” fruit.

I realized that while pruning is painful, it’s not the same thing as discipline. While discipline is about sin, pruning is about self. The purpose of pruning is to deal with, and liberate us from the things we love and pursue. So, while I’m acutely aware of how painful this pruning process is, I’m also very grateful that God is doing something new and exciting in my heart and mind.