This past week has been torture for me. While my husband has been 3 countries away, doing what God called us to do, my body has been at home trying to meet at least the most basic need of our children. My heart, however, has been thousands of miles away, in a hospital room in North Carolina. My thoughts, my prayers, my tears have all been focused on one of the bravest, most selfless women I know. She’s the woman that I have the privilege of calling my mom.
Yesterday was so difficult. I woke up in the morning knowing that it would be the day that would bring my husband home, but that it would also bring the biopsy results we’ve been waiting to get on my mom. I want so desperately to be there with her. Instead I’m depending on phone calls and FB messages from people who love us to keep me in the loop. I’ve had to trust that they’re shooting straight with me. I’ve had to trust that the Holy Spirit would sustain her, sustain my father, sustain me through the minutes and the hours and the days. My prayers this week have simply been groanings, I can’t even accomplish a complete thought.
Now the results are in and our fears are confirmed. It’s cancer. Since the minute I said yes to this job, this. has. been. my. fear.
Pray for us friend. Pray for my poor mama. She is in so much pain. I know she has to be so scared and so sad. Pray for my daddy. I can only imagine the weight he is carrying. Pray for me. I can’t get there soon enough, but it will take a few days to arrange everything. Pray for my husband. He just wants to make everything better for all of us. Pray for my children. They want so badly to hug their Grammy. The logistics behind getting them there are overwhelming.
I cannot do this. I cannot. There is no strength in me that can face the days ahead. None. I am finished. I am empty. I am broken. Any good thing that comes from me in the days ahead will be Jesus. I am at the end of myself.
“Blessed be the Gpd and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
5 comments:
Christy, we are praying for you over here. We love you guys! - Kristi and Chris
Oh, Christy! Praying hard for you, your mom, and all of you!
Patti S.
We will get through this together, Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Light. He is the lover of our souls, I praise Him that all things are possible through Him, Love you so much Christy.
I've followed your blog for awhile and have silently cheered you on from a far. A stranger offering another stranger support. My heart breaks for you right now, but please do not lose faith in your strength. You have demonstrated that God's love is all you need to carry you through the hard times. I am sure you've seen it time and again. Remember your strength. Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Oh, Christy, I am so sorry. I totally know what you mean about fearing things like this, esp when you're so far away and feel so helpless. I am incredibly sorry about your mom and pray that she will get a miracle!
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