I'm Gonna Have to Try That...or Not

In our conversations with folks who've done this returning to the States thing lots of times, we've heard some funny stories about the changes that can occur during a few years overseas.  One of our friends told us that she went to the checkout at Walmart and they asked her if she wanted paper or plastic.  She stood there for a minute having no idea what they were talking about and then replied, "Ummm, I'm going to pay with cash, not a credit card" 

Another friend told us about pumping gas for the first time in 3+ years and then trying to shove dollars in the credit card reader, because it seemed like it must be the logical use for that contraption that had appeared on the pump.  Some older friends of ours explained their reaction to the fact that one time when they went home, everyone had suddenly begun having duck feet...you probably call them Crocs.

I can't imagine what it would have been like to do this whole ex-pat gig before the internet age.  In some ways, I think it would have been much less complicated.  In many others, I think it would have been so much tougher.  Let's just be honest, Skype and Facebook messaging make the world a much smaller place, they also can steal a lot of your time and attention if not carefully monitored.

One of the things that I think the virtual world helps with is keeping up with the current trends.  It's not that I want to know which celebrity married who or what the latest fashions are this season, but it is nice to be able to keep a teeny tiny pulse on what people are talking about and what's "hip."  Especially when you have teenagers who will soon be re-entering the first world for a bit.  Some of it though, from my far away view can seem a bit silly.  Without giving my opinions on any of it, I would like to say that, based on the FB world, these are a few things that I apparently need to try, if I want to keep up with the Joneses. 

• Oils- Seems to me like there is one for whatever ails you.  Headache?  There's an oil for that.  Sleeplessness?  There's an oil for that.  Nausea?  Yep, there's one for that too.  I don't even think I'll need to bring my ibuprofen back to Africa with me, not once I get the hang of these miracle oils.
• I must eat something from a food truck. 
• For my weight loss woes, it looks like I'll only need to get myself wrapped up 8-10 times to see miraculous results.  Maybe I should just go ahead and have someone send me some?  I'm not sure I can wait until December.
• A race.  I need to register for a race.  It doesn't have to be long.  A 5K, a 10K, a marathon, it won't matter, as long as I finish.  And, if I can find one where they fling stuff at me, I roll in mud, or I get to eat something crazy in the middle of it, that must make it better, right? 
• I'm guessing that if I am going to fit in with the culture of my southern friends, I'm gonna need to monogram something OR everything?  And if it has a chevron pattern somewhere on it, that's even better.
• Colored pants.  Apparently basic denim is not enough these days.  Red, green, or pink pants are what I need!
• Of course, we'll want to have family photos made.  So, we'll need to find a field  so that we can all walk away from the photographer while looking over our shoulder, as she captures all of our backsides.  Because, that's what I'll want to remember in 20 years.
• I'm gonna need to take a pair of scissors to my hemlines.  I don't own a single skirt with a high-low hemline.
• I need to get at least 8 of my closest girlfriends together and we can go somewhere and paint pictures that are nearly identical, but kinda different and then we'll take our photo together of all of us holding up our same but different paintings.
• If they don't want to do that, we'll just go Zumba together.

I feel confident that my list isn't complete, so you'll have to let me know what other things I've missed.