This Boy...A Progress Report

This boy.  What a delight he is.  

Today, he and I baked this bread together, as part of his Five in a Row lesson this week.  We're reading When I Was Young in the Mountains by Cynthia Rylant and like the grandmother in the story, we decided to make cornbread for our family.  We also made fried taters and chicken in a cast iron skillet, just like our ancestors did in the Appalachian Mountains.  Abe also shook up some homemade butter, which was really a treat on our hot cornbread.  The older kids informed him that he needed to have more school projects like this one.  

It's been about 3 months since we made the decision to allow Abe to start medicine.  In that time, I've heard from many of you with encouragement as well as concern.  For those of you who sent words of caution and concern, please know that we appreciate your input.  We understand there are significant things of which to be aware when using ADHD medications.  We did not make the decision lightly and we are not afraid to stop the use of the meds, if we begin to see concerning side effects.  Thankfully, at this point Abe is still eating and sleeping well and emotionally, he seems stable.

  I will say, that at the 3 months mark, we have ZERO regrets about our choice.  For Abe, at this point, it has been a big, big blessing.  This boy has blossomed in so many ways.  I can't even explain all of them, but I will say that it was very, very quickly that we began to notice the changes.  It was as if, for the first time in his life, he could hear our words among the cacophony of sounds that surround him.  

In the first few days, I have three distinct memories, where I noticed a definite change.  The first was when we were walking into the office of the guest house where we were staying and a lady passing by said, "Good morning! How are you?"  Abe paused, looked up at her, and replied, "I'm good."

Never, never had he EVER done anything like that before.  He heard her, he looked at her, and he replied to her without any prompting from me.  I got these big tears in my eyes, as my jaw hung open.

Later that same day, I got him a snack and a drink and he actually looked at me and told me "Thank you mom!"  Again, I froze in shock and then proceeded to praise him for thanking me.  I honestly don't think he had ever told me thank you before without a threat of punishment, or at least a firm prompting.

The next day, he and I were doing his reading lesson and a man was sweeping just outside our window.  Normally, this would have meant the end of our reading lesson or a very long and painful detour because of the distraction.  However, he looked over his shoulder, saw the man, and then went right back to his reading lesson.  Shock again on my part.

We continue to see progress.  He is able to listen and stay focused much better than ever before.  He is still impulsive, but better able to stop and think before making decisions.  He seeks physical touch and social interaction in a way that he ever did before.  He is beginning to be aware that his actions have the power to hurt people and more and more he cares when he hurts others (we're still working on this one.)  He plays with toys by himself on occasion and he is actually enjoying pretending for the first time in his life as well.  For the last hour, he has been "Chocolate" my imaginary puppy.  He tries to think of ways to be kind...drawing pictures for people, giving little gifts, and sharing of his own free will.  All of this is very, very new.  Overall, he is so much more pleasant.

Of course, I don't credit all of this to the medicine.  I realize that many of you have been praying.  Also,  part of it is us being educated and dealing with him differently.  However, I do think that the medicine has allowed him to hear and focus on our words in a way that was nearly impossible for him before.  It has also given him opportunities for successes that have made him feel better about himself.  I think that one positive choice leads to another.  

It's not a miracle pill.  We still struggle, lots.  But, the high points are more frequent and the periods of success seem to get longer and longer.  He is succeeding in so many ways.   

The bottom line is, with kids who struggle with the things that Abe struggles with, time and attention are two of the best medicines available.  I confess that, we have struggled with this in our current commitments.  We are, without a doubt, in over our heads.  However, I am trying hard to fulfill the commitments that I made until December.  We have talked with our leadership and made some decisions for our second term that will allow me to have less intense responsibilities outside of our family.   We know that ministry to Abe and to our family needs to be my primary responsibility over the next few years.  We are optimistic.

So, to those of you who have prayed, written e-mails of encouragement, checked in on Facebook, and the like, we thank you.  We are so blessed by Abe's presence in our family.