Encouraged

For the word of God is Living and active.  Shaper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12

I'm not exactly sure who reads this blog.  Well, I know some of you. Hi Mom!  But I don't know all of you.  So, I'm not exactly sure how many of you are in the habit of reading the Bible.  I learned a long time that if I'm going to navigate this world with any kind of success, it is a must for me.  It's not that I'm so holy, I'm just so desperate.  

Lately, God keeps bringing me to this one story in the Bible.   Many times I have picked up various publications in the last couple of months and found myself reading the story again- I can't get away from it.  It's the story of Hannah and Samuel.  The crazy thing is, I just started a new 90 day Bible Study on David this week- I wasn't planning on running into Hannah again for 90 days.  So I get up on Day 4- and guess who the star of the text is- HANNAH!

The story goes something like this... You see, there's this lady named Hannah, she's barren.  To make matters worse, her husband has a second wife, that wife is not barren.  That wife has children and she picks on Hannah all of the time because Hannah can't have children.  So, Hannah goes to the temple and pleads with God, she promises to dedicate her child to the Lord if he will grant her request.  God honors her prayer and she becomes pregnant.  When the child is weaned, she takes him to the temple and turns him over to live with the priest.  

Now every time I've read that story these last few months I've been focusing on the fact that Hannah relinquished her son after weaning him.  Ryan and I have been praying about some things dealing with our current children that are challenging us to consider letting go of our children a little more than we ever have before.  So,  God has used that aspect of the story to challenge me to trust him with whatever he calls my children to do.  Period.

But yesterday morning, the morning after I wrote my crybaby post on expectations, I awoke once again to Hannah.  This time, God used a different part of the story to tender my heart.  I had one of those "Hey Lady!  I'm talking to you" moments with God.  Here is the verse that really gave me comfort and that helped me realize my anxiety is not new on this earth, I am not alone, and God will answer.  

"She made a vow and said, O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come to his head." 1 Samuel 1:11

Wow!  Except for the no razor on the head part, I'm there.  Hannah voiced exactly what I feel.  I am so glad that God has allowed us to wait beyond my expected timeline.  I don't ever want to forget what God reminded me of yesterday morning.  This is not about me.  This is not about some white westerner rescuing some poor African orphan.  This is about God entrusting me with a gift- a precious son and I in turn making every effort to return that son to him.  Thank the Lord I won't be weening him and returning him to the temple, although God's grace would be sufficient for me if that's what he required.  

So, I feel girded up again, ready for the next phase of the wait.  Still anxious to unwrap the gift, but more certain that I am not forgotten and that it's going to be done exactly when and how it needs to be done.  (Hey, would somebody please remind me to read this post again in a few weeks if necessary?)