If you would have told me back when we hit the wait list in May that 20 weeks later I'd still be waiting for THE call, I would have laughed at you. I'm not laughing now. The 11-14 week wait times that were common when we started this journey appear to be a thing of the past, at least for now.
Let me just say, this wait is hard. It is SO much harder than I thought it would be. I have four children and a very busy life, it seems I would have so much to keep me occupied. And I did, until about 3 weeks ago. Then, for some reason, I began struggling. I continue to struggle. I have moments where I have victory, and moments where I can think the happy thoughts and cling to the scriptures and truths that I know to be true.
But then there are those moments where I have these temper tantrums in my heart. I explain to God all the reasons why this is not the wait I signed up for and why I need another piece of the puzzle TODAY. There are moments when I take a field trip in my mind and I think about meeting him for the first time and rocking him and watching his brother and sisters who have petitioned so faithfully for him as they hold him for the first time and I weep. This is hard. I'm struggling, we're struggling.
Some of you are thinking, "Sheesh lady, we're talking about a couple of months here, get a grip!" Let me just say-try it. Then give me some pointers on how to handle it more gracefully, I'd love to know. I know that when that call comes, the anxiety of these last few weeks will vanish. I can't wait to prove to myself that's the truth.
I can say this, God is faithful. I know that more with each day when 5:00 CST rolls around and the phone hasn't rung. He continues to encourage me with music and scripture reminding me of his goodness and his faithfulness and his perfect plan. That alone is sustaining me through this "struggling" time. That alone is enough.
5 comments:
We so know your struggles. We have been waiting exactly 5 mos today...our hopes were that we would have that precious picture in our hands by now, but we don't. Last week, our family as a whole began to fall apart mentally..nagging at one another, short tempers.... you know what I am talking about. Thankfully, my husband got us in the scriptures...helped us to refocus and keep our mind stayed upon God. We have begun a family evening time of prayer and scripture reading which has helped our struggles so much. WE all need to take comfort in knowing that God will place these children in our hands at his appointed time. We NEED to rest in this.
I sympathize with your struggles, we can all do this with God's strength!
Praying for you and your journey.
The Darlings
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”- Hebrews 10:35-36
I know this talks about doing the will of God so you will be able to be with HIM in heaven but this is the verse of the day today on biblegateway and I loved it. It works as far as adoption goes too :).
I think when the family 1 before us got a referral I started to loose it. I was fine up until then b/c I kept telling myself it might not happen for several months. It's killing me now. I wish there was a more "firm" timeframe. I always say give me the worst case scenario so when it happens faster I'll be excited...
I really hope you get a referral soon. I know it must be SO hard. Hang in there. I'll be praying for you and your family.
I don't have any words of wisdom. Just know that you know that God's timing is perfect! Rejoice in the little things every day! Your child will be with you soon.. although I know the waiting is excrutiating.
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Beth
We are SOOO right there with you. I could have written your post myself. Thanks for bring honest. It's so good to know I'm not alone because honestly, I've been feeling like a real brat lately for feeling this way when it seemed all those around me where handling the wait like a champ. I'm so glad I'm not alone in my temper tantrums and pleading with God to please send her NOW. Praying for you guys! Hope the wait is over soon for both of us (and the Darlings) Blessings!
BTW, don't look at all the comments under my latest blog post unless you want to be sick. Lots of pretty short waits. The 14 weeks of waiting is a thing of the past for sure.
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