Overwhelmed

Let me just start this thing by saying... if you haven't already figured it out, I think that somewhere in the last several weeks, this blog has become less about updating you guys and more about providing free therapy for me.  I have always tended to talk WAY too much when I get nervous, and this blog seems to be taking the brunt of my motor mouth these days.  So, I apologize in advance for my ramblings.  

That said, let me tell you where I am at today.  I am overwhelmed.  It's not the packing, the list making, the shopping, the laundry, or the cleaning that has me messed up.  It's the reality of this thing, this adoption.  I am simply overwhelmed at what God is doing.  I am overwhelmed when I think about how privileged I am to be on this journey.  I am overwhelmed that God trusted me enough to call me out of my comfort zone and into this process.  At the realization that I will never be the same.  I will never again not be aware of the plight of the orphan.  I am simply overwhelmed at God's goodness, at his faithfulness, and at his interest in my life and my family.

Little things make me cry.  Not for long, not the kind of cry that wipes you out or rearranges your day.  But those tears that spring instantly to your eyes and roll hot trails down your cheeks for just an instant before you regain composure and move on to the next thing.  This morning it was at the thought of that moment- the one where they place Abe in my arms for the very first time.  And in my mind I was practicing saying his birth name in my best Ethiopian accent so that he would experience the least amount of fear possible in that moment.  And they came, the tears.   They snapped me out of my daydream and back to my reality.

Yesterday it was when the mail arrived.  Ryan and I have the privilege of taking quite a few care packages from waiting families.  They are families who have been matched with children but are still waiting to pass court so they can go and bring them home.  Yesterday, 3 of those packages arrived.  I took them all out of the boxes so that I could re-pack them into our luggage.  One of my children was in the room and she asked me if we could read the note in one of the ziplock bags.  It had a little photo of the child and then the mother had written a small note.  I'd say the child was about 2 years old.  Knowing we would be reading it to the child in Ethiopia, I agreed and we pulled it out and the first line read, "This picture of you makes us smile."  And the tears came.  I choked my way through the rest of the note, but I thought about the magnitude of this thing, this adoption.  

That child, that 2 year old, is living in some kind of care facility, without a family.  No mama to tuck him in tonight or to hold him when he falls or to read him Goodnight Moon 7 times a day.  I am sure he is largely unaware of the magnitude of his loss.  Yet there is a family who is aware and they are already preparing to provide for his needs and they're clawing their way to him one piece of paperwork at a time.  Doing everything they can to give him what he needs.

And then I thought about our Lord and the fact that before we knew our need, he was making his way to us.  The Bible says that,  "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  He knew the depth of our need and he did the difficult things, before we ever knew we needed them done.  He wants so desperately to be our "Forever Father."  

I am so thankful that I surrendered my live to the Lord so many years ago and that he continues to pursue me.  He fills me with a purpose for living, a goal to press on toward, and provides for me abundant joy.  That, my friends, is overwhelming!